|
Post by waterlicked on Feb 19, 2012 18:59:45 GMT 1
A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she suffered from excessive flatulence, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done nothing about it until now. So the Dr. took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while. At the end, the woman says, "You see, Dr Smyth while I've been sitting here talking to you I've broken wind five times, but there's no sound and no smell." At this point, the Dr. scribbled something on a pad, ripped off a sheet and handed it to the woman. "What's this?" she asked, "some pills?" "No", replied Dr Smyth, "that is a prescription for a hearing aid: come in next week, and we'll operate on your nose."
|
|
|
Post by tigerpants on Feb 20, 2012 20:47:07 GMT 1
a mate of mine is shagging twins both up the arse i asked how he tells them apart , easy stellas got masive tits and dereks got a tache
|
|
|
Post by tigerpants on Feb 24, 2012 23:39:04 GMT 1
|
|
|
Post by tigerpants on Mar 1, 2012 19:59:03 GMT 1
i was telling a bird in the pub last night about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman born on by just feeling her breasts , realy she said go on then have a go try, so after 10minutes of fondling she got impatient , well what day was i born on , i said fooking yesterday ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by tigerpants on Mar 11, 2012 21:29:07 GMT 1
face has it fallen to one side arms can they raise both arms an keep them there speech is their speech slurred if so time to get their kit off VODKAS KICKED IN
|
|
|
Post by waterlicked on Mar 15, 2012 14:05:52 GMT 1
who makes more money..... a hooker or a drug dealer?
a hooker, because she can wash her crack and reuse it
|
|
|
Post by waterlicked on Mar 19, 2012 17:09:20 GMT 1
did you hear about the massive earthquake in bradford yesterday?
it did £10 million worth of improvements ;D
|
|
|
Post by tigerpants on Mar 19, 2012 22:30:25 GMT 1
just spent the best part of 2 hours de icing the fridge or has she puts it fore play
|
|
|
Post by waterlicked on Mar 24, 2012 23:00:07 GMT 1
|
|
|
Post by tigerpants on Mar 29, 2012 18:45:40 GMT 1
i asked a gay friend (not you )riddler another one what is the best way to removing a condom he said FART ;D
|
|
|
Post by waterlicked on Mar 29, 2012 21:03:45 GMT 1
A lawyer from New York was transfered to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West. After several weeks there he noticed that the town was populated solely by men. He asked one of the local cowboys, "What do you do when you get the urge for a woman?" The cowboy replied, "See them thar'sheep up on that hill. We just go git us one." "That is disgusting and barbaric!!" replied the lawyer. After about 3 months the lawyer could not stand it any longer. He decided though, if he was going to do a sheep, he would show these yokels how to do it right. He picked out the prettiest sheep of the bunch, bathed her, put a pink ribbon on her, served her hay on a china plate, dressed her in fine lingerie, and then took the sheep to bed. After he finished he decided to take his new found lover out for a drink. He wandered into the local saloon with the sheep under his arm. The piano fell silent, people dropped drinks, and all the cowboys turned, and stared in shocked disbelief. The lawyer said, "You bunch of hypocrites. You look at me as if I'm some sort of freak for doing what you've been doing all along. I'm just doing it with more class." "That ain't the problem," replied one cowboy. "That's the sheriff's gal you're with." ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by waterlicked on Apr 9, 2012 20:31:17 GMT 1
i was sitting in a cafe this morning enjoying a nice cuppa and reading my paper when 3 nice ladies came and sat behind me. they were chatting quite casually and the topic of conversation turned to sex and contraception. the first woman said "we can't use contraception because we are both catholic". the second woman replied "so are we, but we use the rhythm method" the third woman said "we are catholic too, but we use the bucket and saucer method" "what the heck is the bucket and saucer method?" the other 2 ladies asked
"well, i'm five foot eleven and my husband is five foot one. we make love standing up with him stood on a bucket, and when i see his eyes get as big as saucers, i kick the bucket out from underneath him!"
|
|
|
Post by Boff on Jul 17, 2012 8:14:48 GMT 1
Mother Says , if you stick your tongue out for long enough it will stay that way and grow a bit ! .
|
|
|
Post by Boff on Feb 12, 2013 20:22:40 GMT 1
|
|
|
Post by jimmyfisher on Feb 18, 2013 18:33:58 GMT 1
kevin webster said after all the recent allegations against him he is still feeling rosie
|
|